Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Cosmo Kramer:What happened to the doll?

Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born... a Festivus for the rest of us!

Cosmo Kramer: That must have been some doll.

Frank Costanza: She was.

Looking for an alternative to stressful, mainstream winter holidays? Tired of the Hallmark-sponsored worship of Santa? If so, then I would suggest Festivus as your new family tradition.

Believe it or not, some people really do celebrate this Seinfeldian feast. I can't think of a geekier way to ring in the season, either. Read on for a comprehensive guide to celebrating Festivus with your family.

What Is Festivus?

Festivus could mean a lot of things to a lot of people, but it's primarily a made-up holiday by borderline psychotic, Frank Costanza (pictured above). Filled with angst and driven by spite, Frank decided many years ago that he would forgo the over-commercialized Christmas holiday for his own celebration. Thus, Festivus was born.

The Aluminum Pole

Festivus is not without its own traditional icon that families can gather around. Rather than a tree, however, Festivus is represented by a long aluminum pole. This understated symbol can be attributed to the fact that Frank finds tinsel "distracting."

Not any aluminum pole should be erected in your home, however. You need one with a good strength-to-weight ratio, as Festivus celebrations can get quite physical. For $38 plus shipping, you can order your own Festivus pole and base kit here.

The Airing Of Grievances

Christmastime is often wrought with tension, as you are forced to gather with your extended family amid screaming children, overpriced gifts and (very possibly) a good amount of alcohol. The traditional Festivus dinner acknowledges these feelings and encourages you to express them.

This part of Festivus is called the "airing of grievances," a forum in which you tell each family member how they have disappointed you this year. For example, I often had a grievance with my parents when I was growing up, as they always bought me Gobots in lieu of Transformers.

The Feats Of Strength

After all grievances are out in the open and Festivus dinner is complete, the head of the family will test his/her strength against a chosen participant. If you are selected for this test of strength, you must accept and engage in combat. Festivus is not officially over until the head of the family has been pinned to the ground.

Festivus Merchandise

Festivus is not about glamor and commercialism. However, you may wish to show your Festivus pride to non-believers. If you would like to spread the gospel according to Frank, there is now a CafePress site that is solely devoted to the holiday. 

Want to send a loved one a Festivus greeting card? Find printable PDF cards here. Also, you can purchase the official Festivus handbook from Amazon.com.